A Beginner’s Guide to Getting Along With Your Roommate
YOUR ROOMMATE’S NAME
And if you do have to approach them, don’t accuse anyone of anything. Explain your problem as objectively as you can and listen to their advice. They (hopefully) have training in how to mediate conflicts, so make certain to actually let them help you.
And it is not something anybody ever talks about until you get to college. Sure, there’s maybe a weird story from one of your parents or the glimpse in college movies, but nothing can prepare you for the experience of coexisting in close quarters.
Living with your friends can be great, but I’ve also seen it destroy friendships. Do not let this happen to you.
Whether you are literally sharing a bedroom with another person, or sharing a flat, living with a roommate is a completely different world compared to living with your parents.
— Benjamin E. Mays
1. Make a roommate agreement
Having a roommate is, at the end of the day, a way to make efficient use of limited living space while also saving money for the two of you. It is, in essence, a business arrangement. Provided that the both of you respect one another and live together pleasantly, that is all you require.
How to Get Along with Your Roommate (Random or Otherwise)
Living with your friend sounds like a fantasy come true. But much like going in with a romantic partner, living together can reveal some, well, less savory aspects of people’s personalities. And hygiene.
That being said, my roommate advice is heavily rooted in my own experience at a small, private liberal arts college in the Midwestern U.S. To get some perspective on what things are like at a larger university, have a listen to the CIG Podcast episode How to Live With Roommates Without Losing Your Mind.
Here’s a quick primer on compassion from Brené Brown:
1.
Here’s an example:
Ignore this tip.
Find a spot somewhere your roommate isn’t reading over your shoulder, and let’s get started!
About the roommate experience, be sensible as creating a roommate agreement in exactly the same vein. Regardless of what you see in films, there’s no need for the both of you to be best friends or hang out a bunch (although having dinner together every so often can be good for keeping open communication).
During my time in college, I lived with two roommates, in addition to a few others that I barely knew. So I heard a lot about how (and how not) to live harmoniously in tiny spaces with strangers. Here are my most important takeaways:
Having a roommate in college is inevitable for many people. I hope this article has given you some perspective on what a roommate relationship that is healthy should look like, in addition to a clearer idea of getting along with your roommate.
My hope is that by the end of this article you’ll have a clearer idea of how to, at the very least, get along with your college roommate. If they are a entire rando. Who does not shower for weeks.
4. We’ll first talk with each other about them when conflicts arise. If this does not work we’ll request the help of our RA to mediate. .
By way of instance, if your roommate is attempting to study, don’t blast heavy metal. If you find them asleep and come back, don’t turn on all the lights. Simple stuff, but it goes a long way towards getting along.
Often it can put a strain, although I’m not saying that rooming with your very best friend will be a disaster. To paraphrase a popular joke about marriage, rooming with your very best friend is like a month-long sleepover.
Now, a roommate agreement does not have to be a formal, notarized, watermarked document. It doesn’t have to be long, and it does not have to be complex. All it requires to include are a couple of standards the both of you agree to abide by, in addition to the process for handling violations or disagreements of the standards.
This goes both ways. Do not brush off anything that your roommate brings up.
5. When the person does we’ll be open, honest, and polite.
If you and your roommate can not work out a disagreement, don’t be afraid to visit your RA (or, if you reside in an apartment, a trusted impartial third party). Sometimes it can be challenging to work out a issue and these are cases when using an impartial mediator to hear both sides of the argument can make a major difference.
Your roommate experience, for better or worse, is a opportunity to learn about conflict resolution and to get a sense of humor when life disagreeable or gets weird. This is a tricky thing to do in the moment, but it is key to making your life a whole lot less stressful.
It’s easy to get mad at your roommate and think that they’re some kind of villain put on your life. But no matter how incompatible the both of you are, no matter how much you may disagree, remember that your roommate is still a person with feelings, hopes, and dreams.
5.
Your RA is not the police or the teacher watching the playground. Do not go for every single little problem that comes up to them.
(Tone can also be really key here.
And if your roommate does not understand your request, don’t get mad. Explain how you’re feeling.
Assuming that you are able to select your roommate (which isn’t necessarily the case your first year of college), I really have just 1 tip: Don’t room with your very best friend from high school.
YOUR NAME
And of course, I’d love to hear your view on how to live with a roommate. You can discuss hints or your questions below. And you can also ask further questions or discuss this article in the College Info Geek Community.
The respect part is especially key. Respect means being honest without being a dick. It’s the difference between “Hey, can you get your stupid dirty underwear off the floor?” and “I know you’re really busy with class and school, but you keep leaving your underwear in the middle of the floor. Could you find a different place for it?”
2. Inform each other of guests.
So when you spent the night at their home every few weeks, although you may never have botheredit’s right there in your own personal space. And how they stay up until 4 am every night chatting with their significant other on Skype–that is suddenly very relevant to your sleep schedule.
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Image credits: featured image, room clutter, handshake agreement, business arrangement, be aware, justice mediator, learning experience, dorm room
6. Appeal to another party when necessary
3. Take turns taking trash when it is full out.
Repeat after me: consistently make a roommate agreement. If things look great now. If you’re BFFs. As fallible, illogical people, it is inevitable that some kind of disagreement will appear. And the moment that you have a disagreement is the worst time to decide to draw up some house rules.
Your way of life that is differentcould be a source of potential distress or annoyance for your roommate. Because of this, it is important to stay aware of how your actions might impact your roommate. This is simple stuff.
7.
Your RA will probably have some kind of template you can use for this, and there are naturally dozens floating about online. Above all, what matters is that you make the agreement.
How NOT to Pick a Roommate
3. Be aware
4. Practice empathy
That second part is the key. Don’t just make a list of everything you should and shouldn’t do–make a plan for what you’ll do when things go wrong.
It’s easy to take for granted that yours is the only way of doing things if you have never lived with a person before.
I can not pretend I can take uncertainty and the mystery out of the roommate experience. But after living with roommates for three years of college, I can tell you what did (and did not) work for me.
Conclusion
Practice compassion, and realize that from their perspective you are the person who’s in the wrong (that, in many cases, you probably are, at least partially).
Roommate problems are a lot like a cold. If you tackle it and give it the attention it deserves, it is no big deal. But if you ignore it for too long, you may end up with bronchitis or even in the hospital.
Honest communication is built on truth and integrity and determined by the one for the other.
Some of the learning that you’ll do in college happens outside the classroom. College is kind of like training for being an adult but with safety net and a massive support system. And among the most precious skills you can learn is how to get along with other people, especially people who are very different.
2. Treat it like a business partnership
Signed,
Source: TPD College Admissions Feed
How NOT to Pick a Roommate
3. Be aware
4. Practice empathy
That second part is the key. Don’t just make a list of everything you should and shouldn’t do–make a plan for what you’ll do when things go wrong.
It’s easy to take for granted that yours is the only way of doing things if you have never lived with a person before.
I can not pretend I can take uncertainty and the mystery out of the roommate experience. But after living with roommates for three years of college, I can tell you what did (and did not) work for me.
Conclusion
Practice compassion, and realize that from their perspective you are the person who’s in the wrong (that, in many cases, you probably are, at least partially).
Roommate problems are a lot like a cold. If you tackle it and give it the attention it deserves, it is no big deal. But if you ignore it for too long, you may end up with bronchitis or even in the hospital.
Honest communication is built on truth and integrity and determined by the one for the other.
Some of the learning that you’ll do in college happens outside the classroom. College is kind of like training for being an adult but with safety net and a massive support system. And among the most precious skills you can learn is how to get along with other people, especially people who are very different.
2. Treat it like a business partnership
Signed,
Source: TPD College Admissions Feed
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